Friendship & An Application to Date Me

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Today Pastor Daniel spoke about friendships from the book of Proverbs. God has blessed me with some great friendships over the years (and some challenging ones as well). One of my dear friends -- a friend who has stuck with me through the good and the bad -- is Jennifer Smith. Jenn and I met during college through our mutual friend Jessi. There are many wonderful qualities about Jenn, but one of the ones that comes to mind immediately when you think about her is that she is fiercely loyal, as you will see below.

After I went through a particularly hard break up in college, Jenn made an application to date me. Oh yes. It was five pages long. Wesley actually filled it out! (And for the record, he was apparently treating it as a joke, and Jenn was not impressed. I'm serious. She sat me down and talked to me about it.) I stumbled upon it as I was sorting through some boxes of notes I've saved over the years. I found it parts of it extremely funny; I thought you might, too!

Excerpts from the five-page document entitled "Permission to Date the Fabulous Beth Ann Willis":

Full Name
Present Address
Permanent Address
Phone Number
Cell Phone Number
Primary Email
Other Email
Social Security Number
Student ID Number
GPA
Major
Minor
Foreign Language Skills
Musical Skills/Talents/Knowledge

Are you a believer in Jesus Christ? Yes or No. (Circle one.) If No, you may stop filling out the application now.

Describe your current relationship with Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit.

How many serious relationships have you been in during your life? In general, what was the outcome of those relationships? If none, see the next question.

Have you ever had a girlfriend? If yes, explain in full detail why you broke up, how you handled the situation, and [describe] your current relationship with your ex-girlfriend. If no, please describe why you have not dated, and how you feel you would handle a breakup situation.

Enumerate and explain, in order of importance, your favorite things about Beth Ann Willis.

Explain how you could love Beth "as Christ loved the church." If you don't know where this quote can be found in scripture, you may seriously want to consider withdrawing your application.

What is your favorite book of the Bible? Why?

What is Beth's favorite book of the Bible?

In general, how much time do you spend with God per day? How much of that time have you spent praying for Beth? (If you haven't been praying for Beth or your future wife, you may want to consider withdrawing your application; however, you may elaborate and defend or support yourself in the space below.)

How are your grammer skills? (Lol -- yes, that's how she spelled it.)

Please describe in full detail why you want to date Beth Willis and how you think you could make her happier than anyone else in the world. Use the space on the back of this sheet if necessary.

I, the undersigned, understand and will comply with all dating regulations as stated by the committee on dating Beth Willis. This form has been completed to the best of my knowledge, and I agree to submit to a full background check and interview should I get past the application process.

Name (print)
Signature
Date

Note: I am no longer accepting applications. ;)

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