Cloth Napkins! ...and Grammy.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Well, where shall I start?

Perhaps with a picture...

...of my very first sewing project! My dear friend Kelly patiently taught me how to sew cloth napkins! They're even double sided! I can't guarantee that the seams are straight, but I love them just the same.

My next project is going to be throw pillows for our couch! Maybe I'm getting a bit ahead of myself (says the woman who can't sew in a straight line), but it sounds like fun. {Kelly, are you in?!}

In other news, I just got off the phone with Grammy.

She informed me that she was at Ohio General Hospital, but she didn't seem to be too upset by that fact. I paused briefly to think about whether or not I was going to challenge her. I recently asked someone on staff at Sundale, where she lives, what I should do when she appeared to be confused, and they said it might not be the best idea to argue with her. But I just feel like I'm lying to her if I play along! I wouldn't want someone to do that to me! So I said, gently, "Grammy, I think you're at Sundale." Just as gently, she replied, "No, I don't think I am." I said, "Well, I called the number to Sundale just now and now I'm talking to you." And she said, "Really? Huh. Well, maybe I am. Who knows!" We laughed and continued on in conversation. But when she talked to John Wesley, she told him she would get to go home (=back to Sundale) in a couple of days. :(

It's just so sad. She's always been hard of hearing, but lately it's hard for her to understand me on the phone at all. She's deteriorating, and I really don't know how to handle it. I feel like I'm letting her down by not being there. Wes talked to her for a few minutes tonight, and when they were wrapping up, he said, "Would you like to talk to Beth again?" She said, "No... I'm sure I'll see her -- and you! -- soon."

Ugh. Knife in the heart. We don't have plans to visit Morgantown again until August. We're headed to Charleston next weekend for Julie's graduation party, but I wasn't planning on going to Morgantown. We're always so busy when we go home, and for once I just wanted to lounge on the couch in Charleston and not have hundreds of extra miles to drive (and people to see). But now I feel extremely guilty. I'll only be 2.5 hours away; how can I not go visit her?? It will make the (short) weekend tiring and somewhat stressful... but how can I not?

Wes made a good point. He said, "Dear, I don't want to dissuade you from going, but as soon as you leave it's just going to be the same question hanging in the air." He didn't even have to voice it; I knew: "When are you coming back?"

My heart just breaks for her... I hate feeling like she's lonely and just waiting for me to come & visit. I feel selfish, so selfish. I should go more often. Never mind that; I shouldn't even be living in Louisville! I should be there with her. That is truly how I feel.

Well, this started out as a light-hearted post about cloth napkins. Maybe I won't hit publish. Maybe I will. Do you like my cloth napkins? Do you think I should move home to Morgantown for a few years? (I'm serious, by the way. And Mom, your vote doesn't count.)

I'd love to know what you think.


Amanda said...

Well, all I'm going to say is that I have a breastfeeding cover in that same print that you used for your napkins and that kind of makes me laugh. I don't know if you should use those cloth napkins if we ever come over. It would be really awkward, especially for John. LOL.

But I do really like them. And the print!

Ashley said...

First, I love your napkins. And they certainly don't look like a first sewing attempt! As a friend who has sewn a few buttons for you ... I think you're well on your way. :)

Second, no, I don't think you should move to Mo-town. You have to live *your* life. You see your grandmother as often as your time and sanity allows, and that is more than enough. Do not beat yourself up over this; what you are doing is not selfish, it's life.

Take care, dear. Love!

sandy said...

Beth my trick for sewing a straight line was to put a piece of masking tape on the sewing machine base as a fabric guide. I kept the fabric edge aligned with the tape thus creating a straight seam.
And since you brought it up here is my 2 cents about granny. Live your life obeying your Lord and your husband. Have no regrets with loving your granny, do it as unto the Lord. There is a sting when a loved one passes, it is less painful if you have no regrets. You do not have to live in the same town to perform acts of love. You already love her so much, and she knows that. You are a good grand daughter.

Rachelle said...

Some advice....if you do move back to Morgantown you are still going to hear those same words "when am I going to see you again?" It doesn't matter how far or near you are, you will always, always, always feel like you are not doing enough. If you were in Morgantown you would feel like you had to see her everyday since you were so close. She is your Grandma, it's her job to make you feel guilty :) Just have peace knowing that your less frequent visits probably bring just as much, if not more joy to her life. You have got to live your life without guilt. The Lord has put you where he needs you....xoxo!

Alicia said...

I agree with everyone else. And Wes.

You love her and she knows it, she is well cared for, and more frequent visiting wouldn't make her ask less.

Your first responsibility isn't to her, but you do well in loving and honoring her.

And as a side note, I just love your Grammy :). We definitely need to pack up the kids to meet her someday soon. But I must warn you, I'll be singing John Denver the ENTIRE time. Loudly.

Amanda said...

I love the napkins. I wish I had a sewing machine right now so I could make some of my own!!

I too agree that you have to live your life in a way that makes you the most happy. If your Grammy really is that confused and everything, is seeing her every day really going to make a difference? She knows that she is loved and I am sure she is in a place that is taking great care of her. You uprooting your whole life isn't fair to you and Wes. You two are doing the Lord's work right now and that is important. Your Grammy knows that she is loved and understands why you aren't there every day...even if it may not seem like it all the time.

Sally said...


First of all I love the napkins! I am so proud of you, nice job.

Now my thoughts on Grammy; I agree with everyone else, she loves you dearly just as you love her. There is no need to feel guilty about not visiting her next weekend. We are going up there this weekend and we will be visiting with her and tell her you send your love. And she will say "when you see Beth tell her I love her and ask her when is she going to come and see me?" As she declines it gets very difficult, as it did with me, when my mom's health was failing. She was always asking when are you coming up? It was never soon enough or often enough. I felt like I should try to go more often, I also felt that she tried to make me feel guilty. But that wasn't the case either, she just loved me. I, too, have a family and a job and a life in Charleston, 3 hours away. So I do know how you feel and I understand. I also knew when I had to go!

My advice to you is to come to Charleston and relax and not be all stressed. We can be pampered too! If you really want to sew you can do that too! Bring a project and fabric and the sewing room is all your's!
I love you! I will be praying for you too.

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