Perhaps He Smiles

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I was driving down the road this afternoon, on my way back to my office after a marketing training, and two things happened.

1. I saw the most beautiful sky. It was juxtaposed against images swirling in my mind of sound and fury, as a tornado had just passed through the area. And I thought, there's something more. More than you, more than me. I may lack the ability to precisely define what that means, but I can't deny it. It's beautiful.

Incredible Sky After Tornado

{That's not the sky I saw, it's just a beautiful photo I found on flickr. You can click through for the source.}

2. I was listening to klove as I drove, and a song came on with these lyrics:

But you love me anyway
It's like nothing in life that I've ever known
Yes, you love me anyway

The song was talking about the love that God has for people even though they're broken and flawed. But in my heart, at that moment? It resonated as the love of my precious Grammy. She loved me anyway. Despite my failures, despite my many flaws, despite the times that I didn't deserve to be loved. I don't know how to explain the feeling of being loved that way by another human. It's truly unreal: not real, not explainable, definable, understandable.

I say that I miss her; I say that I love her. I do. But the void that's left in my soul by her absence is so much more real than I can evoke. Most of the time I'm okay. Sometimes I think I'll never be okay. Yet the void is there because the real thing once was, and is, and how incredible is that? To be loved that way... I cry at the thought of it. I don't understand.

Does it sound sacrilegious to make a song about the love of God about the love of a human? If so, I suppose that's okay. It's real to me. Her love makes the idea of unconditional love real to me. And I think God knows that.

And perhaps he smiles.


Kari said...

I think that the human love we experience in this life is meant to point us to something so much greater. So how cool that God has given you your Granny's love to see a glimpse of His love for you. I do think that makes him smile. This whole blog made me smile too. :)

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